A judgmental person is like a porcupine. If you get too close, you could get hurt! Judgmental people have three common traits: They are overly critical, they show no respect for the person they criticize, and they justify what they say because they believe it is the truth. People can become judgmental due to their pride, their hurt and anger at being wronged, and a lack of love for others. Three ways to overcome being judgmental include self-reflection, forgiveness, and seeing the whole person.
The word judgmental is defined as “having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.”1 The first trait of a judgmental person is they criticize too much.
Judgmental people repel people not only because of their words, but also their tone. They will speak to (or about) a person with hatred, contempt, or disrespect. Instead of speaking calmly and rationally, they can be highly emotional—hurling insults, or using profanity.
A judgmental person will often justify the things they say because they believe it is the truth. However, the truth should not be used as a weapon to hurt someone, or destroy their self-worth.
Every human being has value and worth because they are a human being, not because they are good or bad, a success or a failure. A judgmental person often bases an individual’s worth on their character traits, or some other criteria. They are unable to separate a person from their actions.
A person’s outward actions
Right now, all we see are the actions that the person has done so far in their life. We do not know later on what they will be doing, or that in secret they might be giving away lots of charity (for instance) which pleases Allah, and maybe they will be much better than us.
Hadith #4 of Imam Nawawi
Prophet Muhammad said:
[…] I swear by Allah – there is no God but He – one of you may perform the deeds of the people of Paradise till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will outstrip him so that he performs the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire; one of you may perform the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire, till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will overtake him so that he performs the deeds of the people of Paradise and enters therein.”
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim, Narrated by Abu ‘Abd al-Rahman ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud]
The lesson to be taken
We may see someone not acting in accordance with Allah’s actions and judge them to be a bad person. Only Allah knows their Niyyah (Intention) and later on in life they may be more succesful than us. We should focus on sharpening ourselves and strengthening ur good deeds rather than bickering with other people about details of their life.
The One Who Judges
Perhaps the greater harm of harboring negative thoughts and feelings about another believer is to one’s own self. It tarnishes the soul and according to traditions, is a sign of lack of ‘aql (intellect). On a side-note, it is important to realize here that the ‘aql (reason or intellect) is not synonymous with intelligence and smartness of an individ8ual. One may be the most intelligent and accomplished individual (in the worldly sense) but may or may not possess ‘aql (intellect): a higher merit thoroughly described in the Holy Quran and traditions of the Ahlulbayt. We can seek explanations from our respected scholars on this subject.
In an important and famous tradition, Imam Baqir (as) has said, “For God’s worship there is nothing superior than the reason (‘aql). A believer is not wise until and unless he possesses the following ten characteristics.” The tenth and final characteristic pertains most to this topic,
“The tenth characteristic which is more important than all is that while seeing others he must say: ‘He is much better and more pious than me.’”
There are several scenarios that come to mind when reflecting on this tradition. For example, if someone sins openly, how can we consider them to be pious? However, the bottom-line and spirit of this tradition is that humility is the goal when it comes to how we think of one another. Without this type of humility, one cannot reach wisdom and true servitude towards the Creator!
The Fear of Being Judged
Sometimes, when a person tries to perform the obligatory duty of advising against evil or bad actions, people take it to mean that they are being judged. Thereby they get offended and upset. There is a fine line between judging someone and advising them to do the right thing – however they are not the same. We are not allowed to judge, however we are also obliged in Islam to counsel one another! This obligation is not something exclusively assigned to the scholars but is expected to be fulfilled by everyone in the community. It is in fact also one of the rights of a Muslim upon his believing brother or sister (as defined by the Holy Prophet (saw) in his famous tradition of thirty rights of a believer).
We need to make sure we realize the difference between judging versus advising and not deter growth in the society through refraining from counseling and helping one another spiritually. If a person tries to advise a brother or sister to correct a certain fault, provided the right rulings and etiquettes in doing so are abided by, this act should be taken as a blessing and not a sign of being judged.
If we find ourselves sometimes judging others negatively, we can help ourselves to get rid of this habit through focusing more closely on our own deficiencies. With practice and strong will, it will become possible to be one of those who the Imam (as) describes as owners of ‘aql and wisdom!
The ultimate change that we like to see within our Ummah must start right from within each one of us. We have the most excellent examples and ethical role models in the Ahlulbayt (as) and have no other path of reaching ultimate perfection save through them.
Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to absolutely abstain from bad-mouthing or back-biting others,and those who do will be committing a sin in the sight of Allah Subhanah and will have a severe accounting on an Inevitable Day.
We must clarify here that speaking ill of other people behind their backs, or back-biting, means that one says the truth about the person, his actions, or character, or deeds. That is what is termed gheebah or back-biting; and the believers are commanded to abstain from it. If one invents or speaks a lie about a person, his actions, or his character, or his deeds, behind his back, that will be called bohtaan or slander; and that is indeed a grave sin which has a punishment prescribed for it in the life of this world, and a very severe accounting in the Hereafter!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12: O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.
Allah Subhanah has enjoined and commanded the believers in the above aayah to abstain from back-biting and compared it to the heinous crime of eating the flesh of ones own brother. Just as one would hate to eat the flesh of ones own brother, one should hate the act of speaking ill of someone behind his back, even though it be the truth! If one back-bites by inventing lies and falsehood,he will be guilty of a much more serious sin; bohtaan or slander.
statement: Are people/muslimsallowed to judge fellow muslims based on their clothes, hair, make-up, piercings, tattoos? Or is that up to God.
All decisionsand judgments are uptoAllah Subhanah Alone; for He Alone knows the Absolute Truth about every matter.
It would not be considered good manners or etiquettes in Islam, that a believer,simply by looking at the outward apprearance of a person, his clothes, his hair, his make-up, his piercings, his tattoos, etc. makes a judgmental decision about the person and his faith! It is only natural that a human being would make a judgment in his mind by looking at the appearance and the character of a person he is dealing with; but to openly declare his judgment about the person and his faith, or speak ill about the person behind his back would definitely not be appropriate.
Its obvious that a woman walking the streets in scanty revealing clothing, with made-up hair and full make-up, and having piercings on her lips, and tongues,and eye-lids (and elsewhere), and displaying tattoos all across her body will not be considered a righteous God-consious woman! But to start spreading rumours about this woman, and calling her names behind her back, or declaring her character to others in public, would definitely not be appropriate. Allah Subhanah Alone is the One Who knows even the secrets of the hearts, and He Alone Will Judge every person according to his/her own deeds on an Inevitable Day.
But, if one is a sincerely well-wisher, and sincerely wants to advise and help his believing brother from committing a sin;there is absolutely no harm if one believer goes to his believing brother and advises him that such and such a deed or act he is doing is against the teachings and guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
The basic guidance in such matters that Islam has given to the believers is that if one has a fault, he should speak to him alone and as a sincere well-wisher and brother; and advise him to fear Allah and amend himself. But if one is righteous and has done great deeds, Islam has guided the believers never to praise a person on his face, but rather praise is considered true praise only when done behind ones back.
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